fun letter from 1909 & other jokes

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And now some fun with the arrival of April Fools's Day:

First, here's a funny letter from 1909:
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"I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit.

I am therefore went to privy.

Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with 'lotah' in one hand and 'dhoti' in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on plateform.

I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station.

This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him.

I am therefore pray hour honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers."
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Next up, is a generous letter from a neighbour:
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Dear Charlie,
We've been neighbors for six tumultuous years.
When you borrowed my snowblower, you returned it in pieces. When I was sick, you blasted Metallica. And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed.
I could go on, but I'm not one to hold grudges. So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire.
Cordially,
Harry.
(Submitted by Edward Phillips, Boynton Beach, Florida)
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Further, we have a piece of information that most guys should relate to:
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What's the difference between stress, tension, and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and panic is when both are pregnant.
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One more - a lesson on similar sounding words:
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A young boy asks his dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad says, "You are my son, I am confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"
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And this one too, about a man who goes to buy a parrot:
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One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one.

The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?"

The assistant says, "$2,000".

The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive.

The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast."

"What about the green one?" the man asks.

The assistant says, "He costs $5,000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes".

"What about the red one?" the man asks.

The assistant says, "That one's $10,000".

The man asks, "What does HE do?"

The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss".

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